Greyhound meets bus. Like an M5 but taller and heavier and even more expensive. Hmm…
Smell that. Really see what the 2021 BMW X5 M Competition F95 can do and an acrid smog lingers long after your ears have stopped ringing from the howling and screaming of the engine and brakes. And it can do a lot, in exchange for a lot of money, and with many compromises if you’re expecting this rival to the Porsche Cayenne Turbo, Lamborghini Urus and Audi Q8 RS to be luxurious and sophisticated. It’s not. It’s an X5 with an M5 powertrain – no more, no less.
In the UK we don’t get the regular X5 M. What we get is the X5 M Competition, which has different wheels, a louder exhaust and more power from the same engine, shaving 0.1sec off the 0-62mph time. For this you’ll pay £110,610, and you can add £2095 for the M Driver’s Package, which ups the top speed from 155 to 180mph.
The M5-sourced 4.4-litre twin-turbo V8 here produces 617bhp at 6000rpm and 553lb ft of torque, available from a subtly growling 1800rpm, continuing to a phonetically dense 5800rpm. It’s mated with a fast-acting eight-speed Steptronic transmission which lets the driver select from three different shift speeds. The throttle response is sharp but not jerky, and the adaptive transmission doesn’t depend on driver inputs to deliver.
The all-wheel-drive system combines a fully variable front-to-rear torque distribution and an active side-to-side torque split in the back. Most of the time, the X5 M travels in rear-wheel drive. Only when it approaches the ambitious limit of traction will the front wheels join in. Locking xDrive in Sport stimulates a tail-happiness that can be enhanced by selecting M Dynamic mode or by deactivating stability control altogether.
A new overkill feature lets the driver choose from two different steering and brake calibrations. The damper settings have three options, only one of which offers any comfort; Sport and Sport Plus are highly unforgiving, abetted by the special-compound hyper-stiff 295/35 R21 front and 305/30 R22 rear Michelins.
The handling is neutral; the car follows your chosen line without fuss and in a stable yet dynamic manner. Switch off DSC and there is almost always enough grunt on tap for second or third-gear slides; slides that can last until the V8 runs out of grunt or the X5 runs out of road. The dynamic talents make the mind boggle. Acceleration? Zero to 62mph in 3.8sec, and in a further 9.4sec you’ve reached 124mph. We didn’t get to experience the 180mph on our test drive, but we did get to see 11.9mpg on the dash display, highlighting the problem of turning a 2295kg five-seater into a performance car.
The brakes are astonishing – out-performing even the M5’s thanks to the extra grip from the wider tyres. The steel brakes can’t match the stamina of carbon-ceramics, though.
The steering could do with a more relaxed high-speed calibration, and the software governing the transition from glide to slide interferes early and in ragged steps. The other annoyance is the over-abundance of controls on the centre stack and steering wheel, with no Kimi-style leave-me-alone exit mode when going ten tenths is the name of the game. And if that’s not your game, this isn’t the car for you.
Hugely impressive and highly effective, but wildly expensive and limited in its usefulness as everyday transport
POWERTRAIN 4395cc 32v twin-turbo V8, eight-speed automatic, all-wheel drive
MAX POWER 617bhp @ 6000rpm,
MAX TORQUE 553lb ft @ 1800rpm,
MAX SPEED 155mph (limited)
ON SALE Now
EFFICIENCY 21.7-22.1mpg (WLTP),
291-296g/km CO2 (NEDC)
THE FIRST HOUR
Launching 617bhp on US B-roads with a 55mph speed limit requires soaking the driving licence in holy water – again
Janis Joplin might have loved the psychedelic speedo and rev counter but I don’t
There are more drive mode combinations than rice dishes in a Chinese restaurant
Reels in tarmac like a grotesquely overweight greyhound dog
PLUS + An amazing performer
MINUS – For a different day and age
So many buttons. Just focus on the red ones. Wheels are 21-inch front, 22 rear, and wider than M5’s. All grip, no comfort.
Second- or third-gear slides can last until the V8 runs out of grunt or the X5 runs out of road